sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
