If i come over, it means nothing
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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