apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just high enough for therapy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
