I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
