let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
