I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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