your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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