just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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