nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
