I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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