chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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