I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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