Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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