just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
