I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
