You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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