just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
