She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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