I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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