the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm passing your future prison.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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