Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
