How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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