you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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