you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
