Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
