So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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