I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
