here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
