if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just found a bag of teeth...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
