eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
