You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We left an ass print on the piano.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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