dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
