Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
