Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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