Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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