I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
