you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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