he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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