How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
