He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
