He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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