I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i drank out of a bidet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize