i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
