it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
