The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
