i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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