Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize