Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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