Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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