Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
