You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
