oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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