I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
