i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
