You're so nebulous sometimes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did I show you my penis last night?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
