oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
