just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
