When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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