now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
