so explain again why im purple
no
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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