it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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