she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
