There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
