when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize