he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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