he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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