Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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