So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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