seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
