i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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