I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips