thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
