First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!