how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.