There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
