I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
