Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
