Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
