dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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