wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
